Slow Motion Race

What I Have Learned

2010-02-28T23:26:40Z

This is a repost from, I don't know, forever ago. But I thought it would make an interesting topic for this week.

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED?

I’ve learned that money means nothing to a person unless they have Time. At the end of every day Time is what people wish for. At the end of every life too. There was a line I heard once spoken by a character on ER who was dying. “Be generous with your time.” Time is what you give to people you love.

Expensive toilet paper is madness. I buy cheap toilet paper, cleaning products and towels. None of these things are important to me. But I also buy expensive groceries from a natural food store, expensive toothpaste and excellent moisturizer.

Marriage is harder than it looks. If you take everything you know about love before being married and multiply that information by 100, you are still dumb as a pet rock when it comes to love if you have not been married.

Intuition is underrated. If I could live my life over, I would follow my gut more.

I define great entertainment by the effect the flick, music, piece or performance has on me three years later. If I am thinking of it in three years, I will be thinking of it in ten years too; and I have likely incorporated it into my daily life. Ten years ago I saw a play called the Metaphor. My friend Craig had the staring role. Every time someone mentions the theater, I think of his performance and I wish I could see it again.

I believe in cause and effect. But I do not believe life is fair on any individual scale. When I do good, I create a ripple, but it would be silly to believe my ripple will come back to me, or that if it does, I will recognize it.

America is not a melting pot. It is a lovely stew. Every person adds flavor. But when you bite into a tomato, you know it’s a tomato. When you meet an Italian, you know he’s Italian. Why people would want to shed their culture is beyond me.

My best assets in business have always been three things:

honesty, subtlety, and the knowledge that great success usually involves great risk.

The best places to have conversations are tents on summer nights with crickets in the background, small coffee shops on Sunday mornings and the floor of a stage between sound-check and dinner.

Out of every quality to expect, search for and hope for in a friend, lover or family member, Integrity should always be at the top of the list.

Alcohol is a stupid man’s hobby.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they drink their coffee.

Forever Friends Part II

2010-02-28T21:28:25Z

So, after having plenty of time to contemplate the subject of my last Video Blog, (Thanks Hives! Thanks Stomach Virus!) I decided to respond via the regular ol' blog. Again - Hives. Did I mention hives? I'm not talking about the music group either. I'm talking about a weirdness of problems that I have come to refer to as My Body Attacking Itself. Full doctor's report soon. I know you are looking forward to it.

Meanwhile...

I think that my desire to "be there" for past boyfriends or *gulp* exes comes from unresolved anger caused by loved ones who have broken that promise to me. Yes, I just said that. God help us, we could all go to therapy for the various times in which we have been let down. That's not to say that I haven't broken this promise. I have. And even though I'm forgiven, the regret lingers.

I do feel required to answer the call should someone from my past be in need of help that I can give. Would I do it if it in an any way conflicted with the needs of my husband and kids? Um, no. But it's that same part of me that cannot turn down a beggar when he asks for my spare change. If I have it, I feel compelled to give.

I'm a big fan of nostalgia, so that's part of it too. I enjoy recalling years past of school mischief. I am especially fascinated with the way people change. So, having lifelong friends is almost hobbyish. And, as I said, I just don't want to break promises.

Of course, like @Suki Allison said, there are those who don't want my help. Hell, they don't even want my friendship on Facebook. My friend @Heather Lawrence said that some people just want to leave the past in the past. I didn't really understand that until this week when I received a Friend Request from someone who was part of a chapter in my life I'd rather forget. Then of course, it made me wonder if I have been THAT kind of person. The Person Someone Wants To Forget. Ugh. The possibility makes me slightly dizzy.

My, the vanity of me. I want to be liked.

Still, I like to think that the reason I am so bothered by the unkept promises of those who said they would always be there for me lies in the simple fact that I truly like the people I have said it to myself. I believe my words when I say them and even when circumstance changes, as it inevitably does, I want to be a shoulder to lean on, a person that is called upon for advice or a good laugh. I fancy myself being a "rock" in a world of uncertainty. Though I am certainly not the person I want to be for everyone who has crossed my path, I appreciate those of you who know you can call on me anytime. And I appreciate more, those of you who let our friendship evolve over the years enough to test that term Friends Forever and know that it's true to the best of my ability.

Because Humiliation Brings Us Together

2010-02-08T23:33:07Z

I cannot even believe I am going through with this but I figure it's not going to get any better. If you are absolutely bored out of your mind - or if you just want to make yourself feel better about whatever videos YOU might be featured in - (Not naming names, SHELLEY...KELLIE) you may watch this.

Otherwise, please amuse yourself in other ways.

Cast Away

2010-02-06T17:45:13Z

Quite a few years back when I was working at Crowe & Dunlevy in OKC, I discovered a sweet place where I could rest. It was down in the parking garage. I noticed it when I was getting into my car late one night after a long day. Most of the other cars were gone. I got behind the steering wheel and closed my door, letting out a heavy sigh of exhaustion. I closed my eyes, thinking of all the chaos, the stress and frustration that surrounded me. Then I noticed something strange. Silence. It was completely silent in that moment as if I were in a sound proof bubble. I remember the feeling of surprise and then curiosity. I never realized how much I needed that silence. I sat there for probably ten minutes, soaking up that precious aloneness before I reluctantly started my car and drove home. It became a habit after that. I looked forward to getting to my car in the garage and closing out the rest of the world. Once, I even ate lunch there, watching people come and go, sunk down in my seat, feeling like every bite I took of my apple was SO LOUD.

I never missed that job after I left but I think about the parking garage often, especially these days when peace and true silence are nowhere to be found. Even today when we are said to be "snowed in" outside my window is the constant scream of snowblowers and revving cars.

Because, well, it's that time of year again. It's that time when all the things I don't like about NJ come together to form days that seem longer and harder for me to complete. It's time for me to daydream about warmer climate, cheaper groceries and a lower mortgage. It's time for missing family and friends, familiarity and ease. It's time for NJ people to be personally insulted for my wishing for something else. Time for religious friends to say they will pray for me and that God will not give me more than I can handle. Time for suggestions of a vacation which I cannot afford or a good book which I do not have time to read. It's tradition, or habit, I'm not sure. But I do know it will pass, at least in intensity, by May.

Until then I want to take this opportunity to say that
1. Moving to NJ was the worst financial decision I have ever made.
2. Just because I am not content in my present situation doesn't mean I'm an ungrateful chump.
3. To my old boss who said I could totally be like Tom Hanks character in Castaway - You were right. But apparently I can't last as long as he did.

Mane Problem

2010-02-02T19:13:11Z

Get it? Mane problem, as in hair? I kill me.

I am not the most stylish chick on the block. My mother always says I have a classic look, which is what she should say because she is my mother. Classic worked for a while but the older I get, the more it feels boring and drab. I long to be one of those people with a really hip style that is daring and smart. I long to wear the boyfriend jeans and still look so utterly feminine and sexy that my husband comes home from work early every Friday if you know what I mean.

I've never believed that a label matters at all when it comes to style. I've also never believed that In Style Magazine or the latest runway trend should be used for anything but a good laugh. All of this is good, because most of those products are for the stupid and rich.

On the other hand... what I wouldn't give for someone who knows what they are doing to make-over my hair. I hate my hair. I've had a few cuts over the last 5 years that looked good for, you know, a day or so. Then it's as if my hair remembers itself and goes all curly and BLAH. It just throws up all over me and my ten dollar t-shirts. Inevitably, I see pictures of myself within a week of a new do and think "Dear God. I will NEVER cut my hair again!!". It's buyers remorse without the return policy.

Here is where you tell me the different hair styles that you liked on me and I wonder why I don't like them. Thank you.

And now here is where I show you several different possibilities for my hair, we chose one together and 3 weeks after I have it done I complain some more. It's tradition.

Thoughts??? HELP ME!!!

Dangerous Bird

2010-01-27T15:21:56Z

Some of you may remember these lovely Italian chairs that I recovered last summer for my kitchen.

They turned out rather nice and I have received enough compliments on them to justify the cost and the sticky spray paint feeling that remained on my hands for days after. Unfortunately, the chairs should have come with a warning label that read : Children will break their kneecaps when this chair tips over from the slightest lean.

August has already fallen twice from sitting in one of the chairs backwards. Another time I think she merely tilted her head at an angle and the chair tipped over with her in it. The whole chair and child come crashing down. Sadness everywhere. Most recently she came crashing down on a ceramic plate that was full of paint. We had been painting on the kitchen floor and the back of the chair broke the plate into many, many pieces.

I'm not sure why this needs to be told to the blog-world except that now we are in need of very cheap, very sturdy, stylish chairs. I'm not sure IKEA is the answer since our previous chairs (also unstable) were from there, but I'm willing to listen.

Honey Doh List

2010-01-19T15:01:24Z

This is me this morning holding part of a scrap-booking kit my sister sent me. It's called 365 and the idea is - you guessed it - to take a photo a day for the entire year of 2010. The designer kit is supposed to take the guesswork out of the process. But, me, I like to take simple things and make them complicated. So, there I was Sunday making Mike use his professional designer eyes to put the cards in their slots.

The scrapbook is just one of many projects I'm taking on this year. I figure I am bound to finish two out of the dozen or so I have mulling around in my head. In my "spare" time I plan to rebuild the US economy. Hey, why not?

How To Build Community

2010-01-18T22:48:09Z

My mother sent this card to me a while back with that title. This is what it said:

Turn off your TV.

Leave your house. Know your neighbors. Greet people.

Look up when you are walking. Sit on your stoop.

Plant flowers. Use your library.

Play together.

Buy from local merchants. Share what you have.

Help a lost dog. Take children to the park.

Garden together.

Support neighborhood schools.

Fix it even if you didn't break it.

Have pot lucks.

Honor elders. Pick up litter.

Read storeis aloud.

Dance in the street.

Talk to the mail carrier.

Listen to the birds. Put up a swing.

Help carry something heavy.

Barter for your goods.

Start a tradition. Ask a question.

Hire young people for odd jobs.

Organize a block party.

Bake extra and share. Ask for help when you need it.

Open your shades. Sing together. Share your skills. Take back the night.

Turn up the music. Turn down the music.

Listen before you react to anger.

Mediate a conflict.

Seek to understand.

Learn from new and uncomfortable angles.

Know that no one is silent athough many are not heard.

Work to change this.

Ahh, Another Clean Slate

2010-01-04T17:32:09Z

Every year I make a list of New Years Resolutions. Every year. Except this one.

What can I say? I'm not feeling that whole "fresh start" minty anticipation. While I see that many good things are going to happen in 2010, I am painfully aware that many of us are still digging out of our holes from 2009 - literally. Not that getting out of these holes won't be miraculous in itself, mind you. But it's a process, isn't it? A long, graceless process at times.

What I feel about 2010 is this: Still me, better shoes.

This morning I was holding Asher as he slept and I whispered "Not too fast. Take your time" because I'm nervous his childhood and August's are going by too fast for my taste. I often find myself so caught up in the daily details that when I stop to look at my kids they have changed from the last break we had. August is sassy and Asher is quite opinionated. When did that happen? Mike will turn 30 this year. Holy hell, somebody slow this thing down!

In my life, something has shifted. It's a good thing. "One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it, and then it's done." says Joan of Arc. Moral of the story: Slow down. S L O W D O W N. Enjoy this. Enjoy the snow.; it won't last. Enjoy the house - it's home. Enjoy your kids -they will grow up.

So, I guess if that's a resolution, I'll take it. Be present. Relax. Enjoy.

I hope the same for you.

One year ago:

And now:

Sometimes

2010-01-02T16:17:30Z

Because 2010 can be better. xoxo PRJ

Sometimes by Sheenagh Pugh

Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don’t fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes will step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen for you.

Louder Than Bombs

2009-12-21T16:03:10Z

So, I have one hour to type this. To unload from the depth of my soul. It makes me want to throw something.

Yesterday I had to submit a video about myself and my photography to Me Rah Ko in hopes of winning one of the three amazing SOAR Scholarships. I'm a little ashamed that I haven't mentioned this contest before now. I think I was trying to protect myself from whatever negative thoughts might run through my mind about my photography skills or my worthiness of being granted a scholarship. In the negativity department, we are quite busy these days.

My sister, Alice, is the one who told me about the scholarship and I nearly did not apply because I kept thinking about how much she deserves it more than I. Her story is so much more compelling and frankly, she is more of an amazing person in general having a total of four kids, graduated from college, and spent countless months as a single mom while her husband serves in the military. Presently, he is in Afghanistan. She is the one who always sent out holiday cards, told me what a jerk I was being to our mother when we were teenagers and became the kind of mother who bakes muffins for her Sunday school class. She's also a mentor to teenage girls. Did I mention her youngest child is a toddler? As I said - amazing. Can I say that I am more deserving of the prizes and education that SOAR is offering? No.

When I started making the video, I hated it. Just to look at myself on screen was humbling. Thus my post about needing a new hair style. Then there was the fact that the video could only be two minutes. Sell myself in two minutes? Dude, I'm not even sure any blog I've written could be read aloud in two minutes, let alone show photos and give a brief summary of who I am.

Interestingly enough, after the 30th take, I started to feel pretty annoyed. Imagine that. I wanted to look at the camera and say, "I'm just like everybody else. I'm a stay at home mom who walks the tightrope between sainthood and institutionalization. Some days, I am very witty. Other days, not so much. These are my photos. I see potential for greatness there, but I need help. I hope this is the time and the way that I finally get to be my creative self and earn enough money doing it. Because, the fact is, unless I make some money doing this, it will be hard to convince everyone around me that it's worth them helping me out with my kids so I can pursue it. Thank you."

That's just sad. I truly feel that the only way I will ever be taken seriously in my creative efforts is if someone pays me to do it. I'm not sure that's how I feel art should be. And that is what I consider myself to be. That was another surprise I saw while entering this contest. I AM an artist. It's all there in me and it always has been. But I have been so afraid of walking that path because it is not practical. When you are sensitive to instability like I am and you surround yourself with creative people your whole life, it can be automatic to play the supportive role. How many artists did I date? How many live shows? How much energy was spent being "level" in my world of movers and shakers?

When my husband, Nick and I divorced in 1999, he started painting. He was already a very creative person. A world traveler who loved music with every cell of his being, he had only done notebook drawings before as far as I know. But I visited him at his new place and saw it littered with paints and canvases. Even his very first pieces moved me. After the divorce was final he continued painting. Years later when I attended a showing of his work, I remember thinking; If nothing else, one good thing came of our heartbreak - this. It propelled him into his art. In truth, I envied him. From then on, I wondered what would force me to come out of my shell?

I have a mile long list of reasons I do not fully pursue my art. If I thought it was hard ten years ago, it seems nearly impossible now. But I know that I am not alone in this feeling. This feeling of having "everything", yet nothing.

It's totally shitty the situation most mothers are placed in these days. In my opinion, we really screwed ourselves when everyone moved to the suburbs and the village effort toward raising a family became a thing of the past. Older generations want their fun time and we want our houses to ourselves. I can't understand why we couldn't have both. I don't want to send my kids to daycare. I have trust issues! I want my mom or my mother-in-law or my sister to be the one who has the honor of being with my kids during my sanity breaks. I want family dinner around the table. I want to spend time with my husband without feeling like someone is doing me a huge favor by hanging out with my children. I want to stop thinking of an uninterrupted meal/shower/minute as a luxury. I want to stop feeling guilty that I cannot handle 12 hours a day, five days a week with no breaks of my job as a stay at home mom.

Can you imagine if you worked 12 hours each day Monday thru Friday for, say Target, and every other week someone said, "Maybe I can give you a couple hours on Sunday to have some time alone." And during that time alone you cleaned your work area and tried to feed your creative spirit by listening to music while you took a much needed shower?

It doesn't matter how we got here moms and dads. What matters is how we are going to fix this problem. We equip the breadwinner of the family - usually the husband- with all he needs to do his job. Money for commuting, lunch out, good clothes, coffee breaks, time to surf the net for inspiration or research, dinner when he gets home. But the person who is doing this all confessed "Most important job of raising the kids" barely has time to get dressed in the morning. It's not right.

I know that some people reading this might think that I am trashing my husband here. But I'm not. I'm trashing us both for not planning this out better. I'm trashing anyone that knows us who thinks that we are okay with this situation and anyone who thinks I'm "lucky" when I hire a babysitter to come to my house next week for three hours.

I deserve something like the SOAR scholarship if only for the simple fact that I want to use my skills and the money I earn to make life a little easier for the women around me who are in the same boat. Our children deserve whole, calm, happy people around them so we can teach them to break this cycle in their generation.

Right on cue, Asher has woke from his nap. I'll post the video submission and out-takes as soon as I can.

xoxoo

2009-12-15T13:59:04Z

A very long time ago I interviewed Ian Moore for LiveNashvilleMusic.com. That night he performed live at the Blue Door in Oklahoma City and dedicated a song to me that he said was about his mother who had passed away. He said I reminded him of her. I was so taken back by the compliment that I have since struggled to
remember what the song was, but cannot. After seeing this video, I am wondering if this might be it.

Fug Gah

2009-12-12T13:24:36Z

So, remember that time I was talking about how old I feel and hating the matching baggage under my eyes? I'm feeling better now. And it's not because of the drugs.

I realized I cannot give all the credit for my boundless optimism to Zoloft. I really owe Brad Pitt, Tara Reid and Mischa Barton some appreciation as well. Viewing photos of them on the internets made me feel loads better about myself.

Here it is, y'all. My GUILTIEST PLEASURE. GO FUG YOURSELF.

I don't want you to think that I am one of those people who gets joy from other people's mistakes. I mean, I haven't even said anything about Tiger Woods- ever. And I do genuinely feel compassion regarding personal struggles that are made public. However....

Fashion is a whole different kind of joy/pain. Fashion is meant to be public. You got up this morning and put that on? Knowing there would be people photographing the ensemble? Oh yes, I am going to have an opinion. You see, I have an excuse for my wardrobe. I can't afford the amazing-ness of amazing-eth designers. You, Daniel Day Lewis, have some explaining to do.

If I'm having a really bad week, I look up Mischa Barton, Kate Moss or Tara Reid.

Looking at them, I contemplate all the drawbacks of fame.

Looking at Lady Gaga and The Queen, I contemplate late night conversations at the palace. Does the Queen, for example, overuse the "WTF?" slang?

But best, of all the Fugly content, are the fashion statements of the truly famous and over-hyped.

"MADDOX: I am a bad-ass.

BRAD: I am homeless.

ANGIE: I sell Ouija Boards and cigarette holders at a kiosk in the mall. "

Thanks to Heather & Jessica in Fugland, I feel very good indeed.

My Big Brother

2009-12-08T15:23:23Z

Today is my big brother's birthday. He's 44, but he sure doesn't act like it. That means that he has accomplished one of his goals - to always be a kid. I salute you, Jim! Swingin' single with a motorcycle and still skinny!

So, this is the post where I tell you how much I love my brother. I challenge you to deny he is the best after reading this.

He makes a great breakfast. Best omelets. The first one who could get me to eat pancakes.

He is SO laid back. No matter what have done or what happens, he's all smiles and shrugs. Life goes on. Relax.

He was that brother who would kick your ass if you messed with his sisters. He still is.

He's generous. Would give me his last dime.

His ex-in-laws STILL love him. Not many people can say that.

His children are all compassionate, funny & smart. I hope I can say that when my kids are grown.

Kids LOVE him. He's just got that touch.

He took care of, not one, but TWO of my cats when I was overseas.

He forgave my mom for dressing him in ridiculous outfits when we were kids. (See below)

He's sensitive. He cries. Real men cry.

He's a car wizard. Never owned an automobile he didn't improve.

He's a great boyfriend. Falls in love, gets hurt, hasn't stopped trying. He gets that from our Grandpa GE.

He provided me with some of my BEST childhood stories. Stealing the Family Nova, Running From the Cops, The BB Gun & Jack, Pizza on the Floor, and many others.

He thinks my sister and I can do no wrong. Don't correct him on that.

I've always looked up to him and I always will.

I love you, Jim.

Be good.

Um, Thanks?

2009-11-25T16:14:58Z

All month people have been posting on their FB status the things for which they are thankful. Several times I thought of doing the same, but I have so much that I am thankful for right now that I didn't know where to start. I'm not sure if that means that I am especially lucky this year, but it feels like it and that's why I am writing this post. Because your life simply can't be as great as mine and I want you to feel jealous. Mmm-k?

Penny's Unconventional List of Blessings (in no particular order)

The fact that my husband is nine years younger than I am. There are days when I feel terribly old. I am tired and my reflection in the mirror looks like it needs 83 glasses of water and a make-up artist from a sci fi movie. But then there's my husband with his punk music, his boundless creativity and his ability to stay up late and wash the dinner dishes. I love that. I love him and all his boyish charm that still includes riding a skate board and tolerating my old lady crankiness.

The Matawan Ladies From Gretchen who never fails to have a spare can of black beans to Rebecca who always has a quick joke, these women are a valuable part of my life who probably don't realize how much I do appreciate their invitations to drink hang out. Though I turn down those invitations more than I accept, it's the thought that counts - and the hope that one day I will be able to get all that drunken jolly insanity on video.

Zoloft It's no secret that the Jersey weather gets me down. Around this time of the year I start listening to Louden Wainwright and I am all, "Dear God, give me California or give me death!". If I am feeling severely blue I start searching the internet for Home Giveaways in AnywhereButHere USA. Oh wait, I do that every month. Anywho, my dear friend Zoloft has saved this family in more ways than what I am allowed to type and for that I send a big high five to my PCP, Dr. Simone.

The Conservatives on my FB Friends list. You know who you are, Roger, Candy, Chris, Chad.... I'm not saying I vehemently disagree with you and want to stick a fork in your eye when it comes to healthcare, gay marriage or hunting. I would never say such a crass thing. What I'm saying is that I do appreciate our differences and the fact that it has not got in the way of you loving me. And that's important to me - your love. I once had a woman write me a fan letter that started with the sentence "You and I are not alike." That's how I feel about many many people I adore on FB.

Yosi Sergant I met Yosi back in California when we were both members of an soft porn underground online community. He worked for a company that made miracles happen with viral media. I knew then that he would move on to very great things but I had no idea that it involved working for the President of the US or that because of jerky Glenn Beck his name and voice would ricochet all over CNN for that... thing. I did not publicly say anything about this scandal then because I wanted to follow Yosi's lead on the situation. But right now I just want to say that Yosi inspires me daily. So much so, that there are three reasons my son's Hebrew name is Yosef and he is one of them.

Phone Calls from My Parents I am a bad daughter. I don't call my parents enough and when we talk I sometimes am distracted to point that if I were the person talking to me, I would hang up. But they still keep calling!!! It's like they made a contract with the devil. They call me and I don't ask where the inheritance is.

My Sister's Ability to Do What I Never Could My sister's husband has been away from his family a lot due to his military career. Time and again, Alice has stepped up to the plate and been a single mom of four children. This year Dan is in Afghanistan as I type and it will be months before we will be hearing form him due to his current job. I do worry about my sis, but I also am profoundly thankful for her and my brother-in-law's service. All the reasons we have for fighting this war seem to be the same reasons for ending it sometimes.

Harleys No, I don't own one, but my brother, Jim, does. It's his joy and in turn, it becomes my joy because I like to see him happy. And when it came to a choice between buying a Harley and marrying his last girlfriend we were all about the Harley. Great choice! Excellent!

The OutLaws This includes everyone from my mother-in-law to Mike's 2nd cousin of the Fallones, once removed (whoever that is) These people are crazy with a capital K. They remind me of a band of gypsy travelers with their own set of laws, traditions and foods. Anybody watch "The Riches"? Add in a lot more college educations and there you go. Or maybe they're more like pirates. Whatever. They are positively charming and generous to a fault.

Those Who Click My LIKE Button Wow, that sounds nasty. It's like, nothing, to hit that button, but so many are just too busy trying to think of witty Updates to notice my important posts on music, lost keys, the sleeping habits of my kid and my hair. HELLOOOOW-ah! This is my great contribution to the internets! I agree we totally need a dislike button for that video of the girls popping that guys' zit on his back. But your thumbs up on my profile page makes me super happy Kai Lan style. If you make positive comments too I am pretty sure this earns you points in Christian heaven. Angela, you are SO THERE!

August's Antics She's not in any recitals yet, but this girl's posing and twirling and leaping, however un-coordinated, never fails to make me smile. She is a Princess, a Dancer, a Lawyer and a Comedian at any second of the day. I now know what my mom felt all those years ago when "Because" was never a good enough answer. I try very heard to answer all those questions, but when I can't I am glad I can fall back on "It's magic. Your dad will tell you."

Asher's Cuteness If he wasn't cute, Mike and I would have been arrested for abuse long ago. I don't know how all those parents with ugly babies do it.

My Husband Still Has a Job What is there to explain here, really?

Other miscellaneous things I have to list per my Contract With Satan:

The Obama's

Fluoride

Top Tomato coming to a spot near me

Jamba juice

Coffee

Temple Beth Ahm

Target

IKEA

Digital photo editing

Showtime On Demand

Kim Possible

The Bullet

The Ability to Feign Innocence

Old Friends Who Keep Their Mouths Shut

Eh, we'll end here. Be good people! Enjoy your freedoms on this Turkey Day! Find a designated driver. Follow your prescriptions. When in doubt, have seconds.