Two Worlds Collide

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If you're wondering where I've been, you need look no further than outside your window. The sun has finally arrived in the Garden State and so has the new babysitter. I can't help it. It's like every time I sit down to my computer it feels like I'm just wasting those precious sunlight hours away. Which I am.

That's not to say I don't enjoy this writing. I do. But if you were pregnant, your brain would be all static-y too and you would also have trouble forming complete sentences, let alone complete thoughts. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I"M SAYING? DON'T MAKE ME CRY, Dammit!

Aside from frolicking in the sun, we have also been trying to nail down other summer plans, part of which include our very first family trip back to my hometown. As of yesterday we finally booked the flights and now my neurotic imagination can take over handling all the if and or buts regarding the reality of returning to the scene of my youthful crimes after a three year absence. 

THREE years. I think. The last time I was in Oklahoma was June of 2005. I attended a family reunion. I was barely single, and, unknown to me, I was barely pregnant. This time I am quite the opposite. 

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A few (several) years ago I attended my 1st high school reunion. I was one of the only women who did not have any children; what with the Midwest being the kind of place where everybody has the kids early and such. (We know it's true.) At that event several people remarked to me how lucky they thought I was to have been traveling and enjoying my freedom. I did feel lucky, yes. But I also felt that they were lucky too. With the exception of the expanding waistlines and growing debt, I thought that being a spouse and parent didn't seem that bad. I knew they probably enjoyed the soccer games and the annual holiday parties with people they have known forever. I was all too aware that the grass always smells sweeter from the other side of the fence. 

But I also know that enough distance, passed time and alcohol makes ordinarily pleasant people say the saddest things sometimes. Thoughts that normally are passing and dismissed as ridiculous fall right out of people's mouths when you haven't seen them in years, they won't be seeing you for another few years and they've been drinking. i consider myself sort of an expert at dealing with this by now, having spent most of my adult life relocating or traveling from place to place. 

I've heard it all. Everything from "I've always had a crush on you" to "I will never forgive you for leaving me here." The more awkward comments did happen at that last reunion, however. One old friend told me that she has done nothing with her life since we last saw each other and that I must hate her because she is so boring. Never mind that she had three lovely children and could probably still fit into her prom dress. And she was still married to the father of her children -a feat that at least half of the people in the state of Oklahoma could not accomplish. 

But this time.... this trip back "home" will be different. I'm the one who is married with my little girl in tow. And I am positive I cannot fit into my old prom dress in my very pregnant state. This will be a switch. I expect there will be those who will be happy to see me like this - feeling as though I will "finally see what it's like" to be them. As it is some sort of just punishment for all my years of travel trouble, music and art. Thankfully, this is not another high school reunion. But still - you know how it is when you go back to a place that was once your home base. Everything looks different, but feels the same.

But I'm different - at least I know I am. And it will be very interesting to have my two worlds collide. Again.

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