There Should Be A Safe Drug

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...for the anxiety of pregnant women. 

I'm not sure how I have managed to escape writing about this pregnancy on my blog. I'm trying not to feel guilty about already not giving the 2nd kid as much press as the 1st, but all that is about to change.

As easy as my pregnancy is compared to so many other women out there, I feel obliged to admit that I am not the baby making machine that I *might* appear to be. Being pregnant, overall, isn't bad, but it's not something that I wake up marveling about. Perhaps I should, come to think of it, but really, I just wake up thinking morbid thoughts like, "Are you still there, little guy?" and "Will my water break now?" Frankly, I've lived the last nine months in disbelief that this is working, that I am growing a healthy baby boy in there and that he will join our family without any trouble.  This is what happens to your mind when you have had a past miscarriage.

I'm writing about this because in the last two years I have run into countless, and I do mean "too many for me to count" women who have become pregnant, only to have the fetus / baby die before it's born. As a matter of fact, I hardly know any women my age who haven't experienced a miscarriage. It's been a shocking thing, to hear these stories and to understand that this happens more than I ever imagined. 

Couple that with the information, or lack of information on why this happens and it can leave a woman feeling very vulnerable and scared at a time when she should feel excited and happy. In layman's terms - It sucks. 

I've thought about this kind of tragedy a lot in the last two years. Why are some babies born and some aren't? Is it nature taking care of things or are we doing something that is causing more miscarriages than ever? Is there something we can do to stop it? How do we morn those babies that don't live? What do you say to someone when they have a miscarriage? 
Knowing that "it happens a lot" doesn't really make a difference when it happens to you. But when you do conceive and carry to term a healthy baby, it does drill one thing into your head: LUCK. This very unlucky woman feels lucky in the midst of her worry. Damn lucky.

So that's how this particular journey started out. Happy and terrified - that was us for the 1st 35 weeks. At that point, we kind of eased up a bit, knowing that we were past the most scary part. It was then that we began to get practical, wondering if the kid will have enough socks to wear and a place to sleep. Frankly, it makes the actual labor and birth look like an evening well spent. Cuts down considerably on the worry about the physical pain.

One week left until the official due date. We have a dresser full of clothes, diapering necessities and many, many pairs of socks. We even have a name picked out. Though, if you know me, you won't be expecting to hear that name until after the birth. That's the way we do it. We keep the crazy bits to ourselves until it's legal and no one can do anything about it. (Marriage, pregnancy, names - you know the drill) 

Meanwhile, we did take more photos. I'd love to share the perfectly posed images with you to print, but that's not how how photographer earns her money. This will have to do.


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