February 2010 Archives

What I Have Learned

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This is a repost from, I don't know, forever ago. But I thought it would make an interesting topic for this week.


I’ve learned that money means nothing to a person unless they have Time. At the end of every day Time is what people wish for. At the end of every life too.  There was a line I heard once spoken by a character on ER who was dying. “Be generous with your time.” Time is what you give to people you love.

Expensive toilet paper is madness. I buy cheap toilet paper, cleaning products and towels. None of these things are important to me. But I also buy expensive groceries from a natural food store, expensive toothpaste and excellent moisturizer.

Marriage is harder than it looks. If you take everything you know about love before being married and multiply that information by 100, you are still dumb as a pet rock when it comes to love if you have not been married.

Intuition is underrated. If I could live my life over, I would follow my gut more. 

I define great entertainment by the effect the flick, music, piece or performance has on me three years later. If I am thinking of it in three years, I will be thinking of it in ten years too; and I have likely incorporated it into my daily life. Ten years ago I saw a play called the Metaphor. My friend Craig had the staring role. Every time someone mentions the theater, I think of his performance and I wish I could see it again.

I believe in cause and effect. But I do not believe life is fair on any individual scale. When I do good, I create a ripple, but it would be silly to believe my ripple will come back to me, or that if it does, I will recognize it.

America is not a melting pot. It is a lovely stew. Every person adds flavor. But when you bite into a tomato, you know it’s a tomato.  When you meet an Italian, you know he’s Italian. Why people would want to shed their culture is beyond me.

My best assets in business have always been three things:

honesty, subtlety, and the knowledge that great success usually involves great risk. 

The best places to have conversations are tents on summer nights with crickets in the background, small coffee shops on Sunday mornings and the floor of a stage between sound-check and dinner. 

Out of every quality to expect, search for and hope for in a friend, lover or family member, Integrity should always be at the top of the list.

Alcohol is a stupid man’s hobby.

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they drink their coffee. 

So, after having plenty of time to contemplate the subject of my last Video Blog, (Thanks Hives! Thanks Stomach Virus!) I decided to respond via the regular ol' blog. Again - Hives. Did I mention hives? I'm not talking about the music group either. I'm talking about a weirdness of problems that I have come to refer to as My Body Attacking Itself. Full doctor's report soon. I know you are looking forward to it.


I think that my desire to "be there" for past boyfriends or *gulp* exes comes from unresolved anger caused by loved ones who have broken that promise to me. Yes, I just said that. God help us, we could all go to therapy for the various times in which we have been let down. That's not to say that I haven't broken this promise. I have. And even though I'm forgiven, the regret lingers.

I do feel required to answer the call should someone from my past be in need of help that I can give. Would I do it if it in an any way conflicted with the needs of my husband and kids? Um, no. But it's that same part of me that cannot turn down a beggar when he asks for my spare change. If I have it, I feel compelled to give. 

I'm a big fan of nostalgia, so that's part of it too. I enjoy recalling years past of school mischief. I am especially fascinated with the way people change. So, having lifelong friends is almost hobbyish. And, as I said, I just don't want to break promises. 

Of course, like @Suki Allison said, there are those who don't want my help. Hell, they don't even want my friendship on Facebook. My friend @Heather Lawrence said that some people just want to leave the past in the past. I didn't really understand that until this week when I received a Friend Request from someone who was part of a chapter in my life I'd rather forget. Then of course, it made me wonder if I have been THAT kind of person. The Person Someone Wants To Forget. Ugh. The possibility makes me slightly dizzy. 

My, the vanity of me. I want to be liked. 

Still, I like to think that the reason I am so bothered by the unkept promises of those who said they would always be there for me lies in the simple fact that I truly like the people I have said it to myself. I believe my words when I say them and even when circumstance changes, as it inevitably does, I want to be a shoulder to lean on, a person that is called upon for advice or a good laugh. I fancy myself being a "rock" in a world of uncertainty. Though I am certainly not the person I want to be for everyone who has crossed my path, I appreciate those of you who know you can call on me anytime. And I appreciate more, those of you who let our friendship evolve over the years enough to test that term Friends Forever and know that it's true to the best of my ability.

I cannot even believe I am going through with this but I figure it's not going to get any better. If you are absolutely bored out of your mind - or if you just want to make yourself feel better about whatever videos YOU might be featured in - (Not naming names, SHELLEY...KELLIE) you may watch this.

Otherwise, please amuse yourself in other ways.

Cast Away

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Quite a few years back when I was working at Crowe & Dunlevy in OKC, I discovered a sweet place where I could rest. It was down in the parking garage. I noticed it when I was getting into my car late one night after a long day. Most of the other cars were gone. I got behind the steering wheel and closed my door, letting out a heavy sigh of exhaustion. I closed my eyes, thinking of all the chaos, the stress and frustration that surrounded me. Then I noticed something strange. Silence. It was completely silent in that moment as if I were in a sound proof bubble. I remember the feeling of surprise and then curiosity. I never  realized how much I needed that silence. I sat there for probably ten minutes, soaking up that precious aloneness before I reluctantly started my car and drove home. It became a habit after that. I looked forward to getting to my car in the garage and closing out the rest of the world. Once, I even ate lunch there, watching people come and go, sunk down in my seat, feeling like every bite I took of my apple was SO LOUD.

I never missed that job after I left but I think about the parking garage often, especially these days when peace and true silence are nowhere to be found. Even today when we are said to be "snowed in" outside my window is the constant scream of snowblowers and revving cars.

Because, well, it's that time of year again. It's that time when all the things I don't like about NJ come together to form days that seem longer and harder for me to complete. It's time for me to daydream about warmer climate, cheaper groceries and a lower mortgage. It's time for missing family and friends, familiarity and ease. It's time for NJ people to be personally insulted for my wishing for something else. Time for religious friends to say they will pray for me and that God will not give me more than I can handle. Time for suggestions of a vacation which I cannot afford or a good book which I do not have time to read. It's tradition, or habit, I'm not sure. But I do know it will pass, at least in intensity, by May.

Until then I want to take this opportunity to say that
1. Moving to NJ was the worst financial decision I have ever made.
2. Just because I am not content in my present situation doesn't mean I'm an ungrateful chump.
3. To my old boss who said I could totally be like Tom Hanks character in Castaway - You were right. But apparently I can't last as long as he did.

Mane Problem

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Get it? Mane problem, as in hair? I kill me.

I am not the most stylish chick on the block. My mother always says I have a classic look, which is what she should say because she is my mother. Classic worked for a while but the older I get, the more it feels boring and drab. I long to be one of those people with a really hip style that is daring and smart. I long to wear the boyfriend jeans and still look so utterly feminine and sexy that my husband comes home from work early every Friday if you know what I mean.
I've never believed that a label matters at all when it comes to style. I've also never believed that In Style Magazine or the latest runway trend should be used for anything but a good laugh. All of this is good, because most of those products are for the stupid and rich. 

On the other hand... what I wouldn't give for someone who knows what they are doing to make-over my hair. I hate my hair. I've had a few cuts over the last 5 years that looked good for, you know, a day or so. Then it's as if my hair remembers itself and goes all curly and BLAH. It just throws up all over me and my ten dollar t-shirts. Inevitably, I see pictures of myself within a week of a new do and think "Dear God. I will NEVER cut my hair again!!". It's buyers remorse without the return policy. 

Here is where you tell me the different hair styles that you liked on me and I wonder why I don't like them.  Thank you.

And now here is where I show you several different possibilities for my hair, we chose one together and 3 weeks after I have it done I complain some more. It's tradition. 


Katie Holmes with bangs_full.jpeg
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Thoughts??? HELP ME!!!