Forever Friends Part II
So, after having plenty of time to contemplate the subject of my last Video Blog, (Thanks Hives! Thanks Stomach Virus!) I decided to respond via the regular ol' blog. Again - Hives. Did I mention hives? I'm not talking about the music group either. I'm talking about a weirdness of problems that I have come to refer to as My Body Attacking Itself. Full doctor's report soon. I know you are looking forward to it.
Meanwhile...
I think that my desire to "be there" for past boyfriends or *gulp* exes comes from unresolved anger caused by loved ones who have broken that promise to me. Yes, I just said that. God help us, we could all go to therapy for the various times in which we have been let down. That's not to say that I haven't broken this promise. I have. And even though I'm forgiven, the regret lingers.
I do feel required to answer the call should someone from my past be in need of help that I can give. Would I do it if it in an any way conflicted with the needs of my husband and kids? Um, no. But it's that same part of me that cannot turn down a beggar when he asks for my spare change. If I have it, I feel compelled to give.
I'm a big fan of nostalgia, so that's part of it too. I enjoy recalling years past of school mischief. I am especially fascinated with the way people change. So, having lifelong friends is almost hobbyish. And, as I said, I just don't want to break promises.
Of course, like @Suki Allison said, there are those who don't want my help. Hell, they don't even want my friendship on Facebook. My friend @Heather Lawrence said that some people just want to leave the past in the past. I didn't really understand that until this week when I received a Friend Request from someone who was part of a chapter in my life I'd rather forget. Then of course, it made me wonder if I have been THAT kind of person. The Person Someone Wants To Forget. Ugh. The possibility makes me slightly dizzy.
My, the vanity of me. I want to be liked.
Still, I like to think that the reason I am so bothered by the unkept promises of those who said they would always be there for me lies in the simple fact that I truly like the people I have said it to myself. I believe my words when I say them and even when circumstance changes, as it inevitably does, I want to be a shoulder to lean on, a person that is called upon for advice or a good laugh. I fancy myself being a "rock" in a world of uncertainty. Though I am certainly not the person I want to be for everyone who has crossed my path, I appreciate those of you who know you can call on me anytime. And I appreciate more, those of you who let our friendship evolve over the years enough to test that term Friends Forever and know that it's true to the best of my ability.
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