Mmm - Ish

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IMG_6719.JPGI read this blog the other day where the person wondered what it would be like if we all just said what we were really thinking. Sigh. Where have I heard that before? She then proceeded to spew out every little thought that came into her head. Revealing, yes. Something I want to read every day, no. But it was cathartic! Or she said. So, I’m trying it.  Turn away. Look away, I tell you. Do not watch the train wreck.

So the internet has become the water cooler of the world. It’s the bragging place of what you did the night before. What you did, apparently, was drink a lot and make an ass of yourself. Add in some photos of your kids and a few health updates. Poof! It’s Facebook on Monday morning. Pardon me if I sound cynical. I’m just having flashbacks to Coach Rose’s class in 1988. I was bored and angry then too. 

I’m feeling very Dennis Leary today. Which simply means that I want to tell everyone to go fuck them selves and then throw a cigarette on the ground. But I don’t smoke and you are far to sensitive to get that joke. 

I wonder why Courtney Cox and Adam Duritz split up. And then she married David Arquett. Really? Step up? I’m thinking No. But Adam seems like one of those guys who wouldn’t bathe regularly. Kinda cool and organic at first, then downright disgusting. Yeah, I know what that’s like. I do.

I am probably going to look back on this time in my life with a dreamy admiration. That will be, maybe ten years from now when I have my head out of it enough to look back. Right now, in the middle, fighting for every breath.  But someday, it’s a Rolling Stone of a gem. Not as interesting as Keith Richards but not better than a day with Kings of Leon.

Do you know what it’s like to have the past romantic involvements on MTV? CMT? CNN? It’s a acronicopia of weirdness. A poster of the guy you used to sleep with staring at you and your stroller pushing self at the mall? It’s not like running into the prom date who’s now a famous surgeon, I’ll tell you that. And yet, it’s no the slightest humiliating, either. I dodged bullets. That’s what I think. It helps the world look rounder, more even.

I’m not in the Mom’s Club. I attend the meetings, but I am not a member. I have yet to figure out why that is and luckily, I am starting to care less about it. But it does have me wondering what little path I’m on and where it goes. I try to make NJ fit like a pair of jeans a size too small. My ass is hanging out in NJ. Literally and figuratively. I am totally funny. Laugh.

I feel LA-ish. That is the equivalent of beating my head against a brick wall. LA eats people alive. It can be like a virus that goes to the brain and turns it to a grey oozy mush.  But man, it’s a warm, cozy ride. 

So, I look to other places. Houston, are you IT? Austin? Charleston? I wait for a revelation to hit me between the eyes and I watch the real estate market. Tick tock, this is not happening fast enough. Set the house on fire? Set it all on fire?  No, that doesn’t look good. 

So, this is what happens when you stop talking to God. When you open your eyes and ears and there is silence. A debilitating, sweet smelling silence. No chatter of guilt, no fear of damnation. Ahh. I see what James means. But the whole universe opens up. It’s big.

In this universe there is a lot of music. It helps fill the gaps. It’s the paste. You make your own soundtrack. And that’s one of the secrets. It’s your decision, not anyone else’s. THAT is what’s right.

PS- Thanks Leigh & Matt for this music

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