"Don't Knock If The Door To My Suite Is Closed"

That's exactly how it happened, I swear.  Enter the Mid Life Crisis....

I'm hard on myself. Or, I used to be. There was a lot I wanted to do. A very long agenda, if you will. And though, it can be argued that I have done a lot, it will never be enough. Lots of people my age feel that way. It's easy to get discouraged now. Heck, we're halfway to 80. The grey hair is no joke. The achy joints have to be oiled and worked. You don't turn 40 and get all Zen. You turn 40 and you say, "Wow, I'm 40! Can you inject this caffeine right into my arm, please?"

So, I thought I would tell you a secret today. In honor of my wise old age and your old age and the fact that nothing truly wise is coming into my brain at the moment...

I wanted to sing on stage with LIVE. I wanted to be the Bob Geldof of my generation. In fact, in my great fantasy of my perfect day, I am onstage with ol' Bob as he pats me on my back in front of millions of cheering fans. Bono is there and so is Lenny Kravitz. I have orchestrated the largest fundraising event ever in the history of charitable causes. MY charity, the one that educates volunteers on civil rights issues around the world by providing opportunities for cross cultural living, is the recipient of these funds. We are a magazine, a non-profit company of 36 employees and hundreds of volunteers. It's more effective than the Peace Corps, more real than missionary work, and it's changing the whole damn world.

In this vision, my children are toddlers. My husband orchestrated the PR for the whole campaign. I have long, dark hair. I am a size 6 vegetarian and never before have I been more vibrant and inspiring. In fact, I am in serious demand to speak at university graduations. Tina Fey and I are close friends and Sting invites my family out for a holiday.

Need I go on?

Let me tell you what I am doing today. This morning I opened the most awesome birthday presents from Mike and the kids and my daughter sang me the Phineas and Ferb version of "Mom It's Your Birthday".  Right now I am typing this blog, then picking up my kids from day camp and going swimming at my in-laws. I might order pizza for dinner. If I'm lucky, I will listen to some music in the car that was a birthday gift from my friend James. Before I go to bed, I have my new Endurance Training Program to do. It's going to kick my ass. 

Life is never what we expect. But it is what we make it. If you are as "old" as I am today I want you to know that we're all in this together. Whatever you thought you'd do by now and didn't - well....there's still time left on the clock.  

There may be a geriatric version of my fantasy day in the future. I'm not quite ready to give up. Until then, poor Ed Kowalczyk will have to wait.

PS - Ed turns 40 on Saturday, so we're cool.