Bittersweet Snow

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Some people think life is supposed to be more happy times than boring times; more delight than sorrow. As if there is a scale at the end of the road and if you don't end up with more amazing stories of laughter and fame and money that you somehow botched the whole thing up, did it wrong. But I know that's a lie. Life, by definition, just IS.

It's the people who are keeping score who are getting it wrong.

The same can be said about marriage. It just IS. You are married. There are good times, bad times and many undefinable, uninteresting moments in between. I think that's why lots of people get divorced, including myself at one time. People say, "This isn't a marriage! This is a lie!" Or whatever. But it is a marriage; just one that isn't very healthy or enjoyable at that moment when you are marking it up like some damn term paper. 

Marriage changes, thankfully, as people change. So, if you are in one that's crap or just boring or "un-fullfilling, (what a word!) the good news is, it can change. It can change and you can still stay married. Because you can change. You can change what you do with your time, what you say to your spouse, where you find comfort, how you feel about yourself, what you offer your mate.
It's bittersweet, I know. When you are in the horrible moments when it feels like your world is crashing in on you and you look to your spouse to be your partner, your best friend and instead you feel hopeless and alone. There is no way around this part. It hurts. And in the middle of that, you have to be logical and put fact in front of feeling. 

The fact is, marriage is that decision you make to stay and work through to get to the other side, the breathtaking other side where the good parts of marriage reside. You have to remember your vows and why you said them. You have to be willing to be let down and still love the other person. You have to remember the laughter and believe it will come again. Because it will, if you let it, if you wait.

Today when I was thinking of this, I also thought of snow. I had this job once in Nashville where my office had a huge picture window that looked out to a nearby zoo with tons of trees. One day while I was at work, it unexpectedly began to snow. I had music playing and I swiveled my chair around so I could watch. It occurred to me that at that moment, all over the city people were trying to leave work early to avoid traffic. People were getting into car accidents and covering their outdoor plants and worrying about freezing pipes. The roads were icing up. But, my goodness, it was breathtaking, this snow! 

I sat there enjoying it, knowing what chaos lie ahead. Because I couldn't change it and it was worth it.

So, today I looked  up this video for you. So you could remember.

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